honey bunches of taint.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my liver is dry heaving
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
