It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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