So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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