Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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