He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
