we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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