what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
