your room smells of hookers.
And success
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
