that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
