I heard we made out
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
