Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize