yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
