If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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