u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
