Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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