I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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