Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
