Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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