shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
