ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
