You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize