cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
