I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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