I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I did not marry a roomba.
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