Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
