Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
