Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
