I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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