i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize