I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
