Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
