K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
