I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize