He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
