I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
