should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
