remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize