I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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