Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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