She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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