Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You've changed since you got that strap on
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
