If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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