It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
