I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize