dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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