I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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