Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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