so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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