I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
