the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
