Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
