the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
