we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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