Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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