I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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