I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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