You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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