my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
