My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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