she woke up with a sticky ear
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
