I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
