Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
