i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
