well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
