If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
