wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
