Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
