I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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