Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
