Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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