his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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