Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
